Where's the Ground? What Happens When You Let Go of How Singing "Should" Feel

Here's something I see all the time in voice lessons: We have beliefs about how singing is going to feel in our bodies, and we will do whatever we can to make sure singing feels that way in our bodies.

This isn't conscious. It's not like you're walking around thinking, "I believe singing high notes should feel like I'm strangling myself, so I'm gonna make that happen." It's usually a very unconscious thing.

But it shapes everything.

Here's how it works: Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of the world and predict what's going to happen next. When we have a belief about how something should feel—even if we don't realize we have that belief (and with our body patterns we often don’t realize it)—our bodies will work to make that expectation come true. It's not intentional. It's automatic. Your nervous system is literally organizing your body to create the experience you expect to have.

So if you believe a note is going to be hard? Your body will make it hard. If you believe low notes should feel heavy and effortful? Your body will create that heaviness and effort, even if the note is sitting right in the sweet spot of your range.

We're not making shit up when we feel these things. The sensations are real. But they're real because we created them based on what we expected to feel, not because that's how singing actually has to feel.

Your Well-Intentioned Brain Is Playing Tricks on You

Let me give you some examples.

Say you have a naturally high voice, and you're trying to sing a song by someone with a very low voice. You hear those notes as "low" in the original recording. So what happens? You'll make sure those pitches feel low in your body—even though they may be well within your range, maybe even right in the middle of it. But because you perceived them as low in another person's voice, you made sure they felt low in your body.

I cannot tell you how often I run into this.

It's the same thing with high notes. If somebody thinks a song is too high? Well, damn it, they're gonna make sure it feels too high. And then we discover, "Huh. Maybe that's not as high as I think it is. Oh, that’s actually in my range..."

So why am I bringing this up? To invite you to keep an open mind and release expectations of what singing may feel like in your body.

Now, this is easier said than done. Because you can't know what you don't know until you know that thing.

But sometimes, what letting go of those beliefs and trying something in a new way is gonna feel like is... where's the ground?

When the Ground Disappears

One of my clients said something this week that perfectly captures this feeling.

She's been singing for years. She was trying a new approach to a phrase we'd been working on, and right in the middle of it, she stopped and said, "It's weird. It's like... where's the ground?"

And sheesh, that makes sense.

We get so used to how singing feels in our bodies that when we change something—even something small—it's like the rug's been pulled out from under us. We're disoriented. We're floating. We don't know where the ground is.

This can be what it feels like to start to releasing those expectations. When your body stops doing that familiar thing and starts doing something new. It can be uncomfortable at first. And sometimes it’s joyous! You know, when you can do that thing, whatever it is, that’s felt so difficult for so long.

Sometimes we just have to swim. Sometimes we just have to be okay with not knowing where the ground is for a while. And that can be tricky because we like feeling like we know what we're doing (even though we often don't, but we can talk about that later).

The Math Homework Effect

I sometimes think about it this way: Remember being in math class? The teacher's explaining something, you're doing the exercises, and you're like, "Yeah, I totally get this. This is so easy."

Then you get home and try to do the stupid *%&$# math homework, and it's like you've never seen numbers before in your life. Just me? lol

Singing practice can look like that sometimes. You're in a lesson, you feel that thing your teacher's talking about, it's great. Then you get home and it's like, what the hell? Where's the ground? Where's the ceiling? And the dreaded question: AM I DOING IT “RIGHT???”

That disorientation? That's normal. That's what it feels like when we're trying to do something new without our usual reference points.

So how do we deal with that? How do we navigate trying something new when we have no idea if we're doing it "right"?

First, let's get something straight: There is no right or wrong in making sounds. There's just making sounds. The real question is: Am I doing the thing that's gonna get my voice to sound the way I want it to sound?

And that can be hard to figure out, especially when everything feels new and weird.

The Challenge with Being a Doer

So many people who come to me for voice lessons are doers. You know what I mean by that? Something's not working? Well, damn it, they're gonna make it happen. They're gonna work hard and make that happen.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing. That mindset gets shit done in life. (And sometime we doers need to remind ourselves to take some breaks! But I digress.)

Unfortunately, what this can look like when we sing is: we work SO HARD in our bodies to create the sounds we want to make. We're bracing, we're pushing, we're trying, we're really doing the thing... and sometimes we end up so locked up we can't even move.

Here's the tricky thing with singing: Yes, it takes a lot of work. But not in the way we assume it will. It takes a lot of energy. But what we don't want is for it to feel effortful in our bodies.

So I like to say we sing with high energy but low effort.

Here's the thing: When you're finally singing the way you want to sing, it's probably going to feel easier than you expect. You won't have to work as hard in your body as you think you will to create those sounds.

And that can be a real mind-fuck, honestly. (Ask me how I know...been there.)

I invite you to stay open to the idea that when you sing the way you want to sing, it may not feel the way you expect it to feel. If we can stay open-minded and really think "high energy but low effort in my body," that's gonna help us move forward in a way that feels good.

Because when we brace, when we work too hard, we're stopping the air or slowing it down. Which means we'll end up squeezing in the throat to try to keep those vocal folds vibrating. Which means we've gotta push more air through, which means we've gotta squeeze harder, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

It's a vicious cycle.

Let’s work towards things feeling easier instead. WHO’S WITH ME??

So What Do We Actually Do?

Releasing those expectations and starting to collect data around how singing feels is a great step forward. Here are some practical ways to do that:

Move your body. No, really.

I know your brain is probably telling you, "But if I move around, I won't be able to control my voice! I need to stay still and focused so I can really work on this!"

Yeah, our brains can be so pushy sometimes. I know its trying to help us but in this case? Not so helpful.

When we're standing still, trying really hard, concentrating with everything we've got... that's when we tend to lock up. That's when we brace. That's when we make singing way harder than it needs to be—more effortful and less energetic.

But when we move? When we walk around, sway, dance a little, gesture with our hands? Our bodies can't brace as easily. It's waaaay harder to lock up when you're in motion.

So if you're practicing at home and something feels stuck or effortful, try moving. Take a walk around the room while you sing. Sway side to side. Do some gentle arm movements. Hell, dance around your kitchen. Get silly!

Movement keeps us out of our heads and in our bodies in a way that actually helps our singing instead of hindering it.

Try what you know you don't want to do.

Yeah, I know, sounds weird aaaand...it works!

Let's say you're trying to work on a low chest voice note, and you know you don't want to push. Well... try pushing. You know you don't want to feel that way, so try pushing. Maybe even overdo it a little bit.

Side note: We never want to get to the point where singing is uncomfortable. We don't want to learn in that discomfort. If you're just trying to remind your body of what that thing you don't want to do feels like, go for it—but only for a short period of time.

Then do the opposite. Notice what you notice.

Does the opposite feel easier?

Ask yourself the three questions.

Because in general, we do want to go for easier.

So here's my framework. After you try something new, ask yourself:

Did that feel easier, harder, or the same?

• If it felt easier: Great. You're likely on the right track. And even if you're not on the track you want to be on, you're not singing in a way that's gonna hurt you.

• If it felt the same: Try that exercise I just talked about—do the thing you know you don't want to do, then let it go and try again. Did it feel easier that time? No? Okay, bring it into your voice class or lesson and let's talk about it.

• If it felt harder: We need to clarify something first. Was it harder in your brain because you had to concentrate because you were trying something in a different way? Or was it harder on your voice?

If it's harder on your voice, we're probably going in the wrong direction.

If it's harder in your brain? Well, that's just part of it.

Sometimes you don't know where the ground is. Sometimes you just have to swim for a while. And that's okay.

The key is staying open to the possibility that singing the way you want to sing might not feel the way you expect it to feel. And when you let go of those expectations? Yeah, it's gonna be disorienting. But that disorientation is often a sign that you're finally doing something different.

So swim. Collect data. Notice what you notice. And remember: high energy, but low effort.

Rinse and Repeat.

And don’t forget to enjoy the hell out of the process.

Can anyone relate to this? I’d love to hear your stories! Drop ‘em in the comments!